The Askoo and Paweebee Chronicles
by Askoo and Paweebee
Summary: This is what happens when Askoo and Paweebee are on caffeine and their Comp class gets boring... That is, they stick sixteen of the Harry Potter characters in Nicaragua on Survivor. "Let's examine what we have. Malfoy, Two demented hosts, and a leaf."
1. Gullible Ginny and Slimy Snape

Disclaimer: Askoo and I don't own this. That's probably a good thing. This story is proof of that.  
  
A/N The following story is not for those of you with deathly allergic reactions to stupidity.  
  
Paweebee: The following story is a completely nonsensical story that Askoo and I wrote because we were bored and on caffeine.  
  
Askoo: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?  
  
Paweebee: I sure hope not. Shut up, Askoo. Anyway, welcome to Survivor, Nicaragua: The Hogwarts Edition. The two teams are the Pinky team and the Brain team, because Askoo and I are not good at making up gibberish. On the Pinky team, we have Harry, Snape, Ron, Hermione, Filch, Malfoy, and Lupin.  
  
Askoo: On the Brain team, we have Fred, Ginny, Charlie, Peeves, Hagrid, George, Sirius, and Dudley. Most of these characters won't be doing anything and are just space fillers, but hey, what can you do?  
  
Malfoy: So really, the Brain team is the stupid one?  
  
Paweebee: Shut up, minion, it's not your turn to talk.  
  
Malfoy: Pouts.  
  
Askoo: So now what?  
  
Paweebee: We'll take a commercial break so people can be on the edge of their seats for the first challenge.  
  
Askoo: Oh.  
  
~Commercial Break~  
  
Paweebee: Now we're back!  
  
Askoo: So what's the first challenge?  
  
Paweebee: I changed my mind. I want to vote someone off so the teams are uneven.  
  
Askoo: That wouldn't be fair.  
  
Paweebee: Who cares? The whole show is camera controlled anyway. Oops, we'll need to edit that. Let's take another commercial break so that the contestants can cast their votes.  
  
~Commercial Break~  
  
Paweebee: Now we're back! Let's all sit around the campfire and debate about who will stay in the game.  
  
Askoo: Okay. Debate, everyone.  
  
Harry: Wait!  
  
Askoo: Why? I have been! You should be falling off the edge of your seat!  
  
Harry: No, I just have a question.  
  
Askoo: Paweebee, check your script, I don't think this sounds right.  
  
Harry: No! I just have to check something. You were supposed to vote for who you want to win, right?  
  
Askoo: What an idiot. Such a shame, too, because you, Harry, must have your torch wooshed. Go home.  
  
Harry: We haven't even counted the votes!  
  
Paweebee: True, but anyone stupid enough to vote for themselves definitely needs to go.  
  
Harry: You can't do that!  
  
Paweebee: Yes we can. We're the hosts/co-authoresses! We can do whatever we want.  
  
Harry: But, but. . .  
  
~Riot~  
  
Askoo: Looks like it's time for another commercial break.  
  
Paweebee: No, we're not taking another commercial break.  
  
Askoo: Why not?  
  
Paweebee: Because you annoy me. Now shut up.  
  
Askoo: Pouts.  
  
Paweebee: Anyway it's time for the first challenge. Let's see. . . I know, which ever team lasts the longest without fighting. The catch is, they don't know this is the challenge. Let's check in on the Pinky team.  
  
Ron: So what do we do?  
  
Hermione: I suggest we build a primitive shelter out of materials that can be found in various locations to protect us from the harsh. . .  
  
Snape: Shut up, Granger.  
  
Lupin: You shut up.  
  
Snape: You shut up  
  
Lupin: You shut up  
  
Snape: You shut up  
  
Dumbledore: Now now, there's no reason to. . .  
  
Lupin and Snape: Shut up, Dumbledore!  
  
Snape: You shut up  
  
Lupin: You shut up  
  
Paweebee: Um. . . Why don't we check in on the other team?  
  
Snape: Shut up Paweebee  
  
Paweebee: Don't tell me to shut up, Snape. I am the host/co-authoress. You can't tell me to shut up.  
  
Snape: Shut up  
  
Paweebee: You shut up  
  
~cut to Brain team~  
  
Askoo: So here we are, the Brain team. Let's see if their name reflects who they really are.  
  
Sirius: So what shall we do, Fred?  
  
George: No, I'm Fred.  
  
Sirius: What?  
  
Fred: He's George, and I'm  
  
George: Fred?  
  
Sirius: George?  
  
Fred: No, Fred  
  
George, No, I'm Fred  
  
Sirius: So you're Fred, and he's George?  
  
George: Who's George  
  
Fred: I'm George!  
  
George: And who's me?  
  
Sirius: What?  
  
Askoo: Okay, nevermind. Time for another commercial break.  
  
~commercial break~  
  
Dudley: (Bawling) I wanna go home!  
  
Ginny: Sirius, get him to shut up.  
  
Sirius: No, I'm Hagrid.  
  
Ginny: Then who's that?  
  
Hagrid: I'm Charlie.  
  
Ginny: But Charlie's over there.  
  
Charlie: No, I'm Hagrid.  
  
Ginny: I thought Sirius was Hagrid?  
  
Sirius: No, I'm Charlie.  
  
Ginny: So you're both Charlie and you're Hagrid  
  
Hagrid: No, I'm Sirius.  
  
George (or is it Fred?): Hey we're the ones that are supposed to confuse people. Besides, you three don't look a thing alike.  
  
Sirius: We don't have to look alike, Ginny's gullible.  
  
Ginny: What's gullible mean?  
  
Charlie: It's written all over the ceiling, Ginny.  
  
Ginny: When did we get a ceiling?  
  
Askoo: (drops luxury hotel next to them) congratulations, you won the challenge!  
  
Sirius: What challenge?  
  
Askoo: the challenge no one knew about  
  
Malfoy: That's not fair, I wanted to win.  
  
Paweebee: You're not supposed to be here, Malfoy  
  
Malfoy: Shut up  
  
Paweebee: You shut up  
  
Malfoy: You shut up  
  
~Commercial Break~  
  
Askoo" Okay, so the brain team annoys me, so I'll have to join the Pinky team and see what they are up to.  
  
Ron: This is stupid  
  
Hermione: If you'd actually pay attention, we might get somewhere. So Askoo, what's the next challenge?  
  
Askoo: What challenge?  
  
Hermione: There's no challenge?  
  
Askoo: Don't question me.  
  
Hermione: But. . .  
  
Ron: Don't question the host, we lost okay?  
  
Snape: And who's fault is that?  
  
Ron: Um. . . yours.  
  
Hermione: Stop blaming people, Ron.  
  
All: Shut up, Hermione!  
  
Askoo: Okay, so we are getting absolutely nowhere. It looks as though we need another commercial break.  
  
Snape: No!  
  
Hermione: Exactly! It's not fair! We have less people on our team.  
  
All: Shut up, Hermione!  
  
Snape: If you play another one of those Herbal Essence commercials, I'll kill you!  
  
Askoo: We're going to have to edit that.  
  
Ron: Is you're hair too greasy, Snape? Can't you stand to see your best buddy, Lucius Malfoy make the big bucks?  
  
Snape: I'm going to. . .  
  
Askoo: Cut! We will have no violence on this show. This show is to promote happiness and well-being  
  
Paweebee: And advertise for the Oscar Mayer company.  
  
Askoo: We need to work together. Just because a few of you are smelly or slimy or filthy or greasy, doesn't mean. . .  
  
Snape: You. . .!  
  
~Commercial Break~  
  
A/N: Hey everyone! Hope you're enjoying this so far! I know there are a couple of these out there, but ours is better because I'm writing it and I am the Supreme Ruler of the Universe. All must bow down and worship me! I guess me and Askoo are kinda co-rulers, but Paweebee controls Askoo's mind, so I'm kinda in charge of both of us. Um. . . So we already have, like, eight chapters written in this notebook we have, but Askoo's computer won't let her on, and I'm not a very motivated person, so it might be a while between updates. I do tend to get motivated, though, when people review. Which reminds me, check out my other account (Little Lady Lindy), which I finally got around to putting on this favorite authors list.  
  
So anyway, I guess that's about it . . . Thanks for reading, please review! 


	2. Leaves, Luxury Hotels, and Nervous Break...

Paweebee: Welcome back to Survivor: Nicaragua!  
  
Askoo: So far, the Pinky team has lost one memver, Harry Potter, and the Brain team won the first challenge, receiving a luxury hotel as their prize. Let's check in on the Brain team, shall we?  
  
Malfoy: (whining) Professor, I want my haircare products back!  
  
Snape: too bad. I told you, they're mine now.  
  
Malfoy: But Snape. . .!  
  
Filch: (looking rabid) no. . . no. . . I must clean. . . must clean something! Must go back to old habits. . . Need Palmolive! (runs around camp madly, looking for cleaning product)  
  
Hermione: Cleaning products can be created for the Nicaraguan fruit. . .  
  
Ron: Shut up, Hermione.  
  
Dumbledore: For the love of chocolate crickets, can't we get along?  
  
Everyone: No.  
  
Dumbledore: *sigh*  
  
Ron: Get off, Lupin.  
  
(Lupin has been biting Ron for some time. He didn't have all of his potion, so he didn't turn into a werewolf, but he had the incredible urge to bite someone.  
  
Askoo: Moving on. . . Let's check in on the winners, the Brain team. Since this game needs to continue as a reality show of a group of people trying to survive out in the middle of nowhere, we need to take away the luxury hotel.  
  
(Poof. . . Luxury hotel disappears)  
  
Ginny: where's the luxury hotel?  
  
Askoo: I dunno.  
  
Ginny: why?  
  
Fred: Don't be silly, Ginny. We have to build out own shelter and camp.  
  
Sirius: What a clever idea, Fred!  
  
George: I'm Fred!  
  
Sirius: What?  
  
Hagrid: NEVER MIND! I've already built a nifty little shelter over there. (points to a small hut made of plywood, mud and sticks)  
  
Sirius: Hagrid, that's a bloody brilliant idea.  
  
(Hagrid blushes)  
  
Hagrid: aw, gee. . .  
  
(Gred, Forge, Sirius, Charlie, Hagrid, Dudley and Ginny file in to see what turned out to be too small anyway)  
  
Dudley: This is dumb.  
  
Fred: Um, Hagrid, where are we supposed to stand?  
  
(Hagrid's feet take up all the floor space)  
  
Hagrid: Er. . .  
  
(Hustle and bustle as Charlie tries to get out the door.)  
  
Charlie: Um, guys, it's raining.  
  
Everyone: Hagrid  
  
Hagrid: (looking sheepish) Here, we'll just try to make room (more hustle and bustle as Hagrid tries to make room. BIG CRASH as hut collapses around them)  
  
Askoo: Looks like we're having some shelter building difficulties. Not only that, but I'm getting wet. Time for a commercial break.  
  
~cut to Snape with Malfoy's haircare products~  
  
Snape: You know, we're great together.  
  
Malfoy: (grins)  
  
Snape: But I've found something new and more exciting.  
  
Malfoy: (looks dumbfounded)  
  
Snape: (wrapped in towel and shaking hair) yes, yes, yes!  
  
Malfoy: No, no, no.  
  
~end commercial break~  
  
Paweebee: Snape, are you finished fooling around?  
  
Snape: I was washing my hair, not fooling around.  
  
Askoo: Well, stop.  
  
Snape: (pouts)  
  
Paweebee: Anyway, this is getting boring. What do you say we start up the next challenge?  
  
Malfoy: No.  
  
Paweebee: We didn't ask you, Malfoy. And just because you don't want to, we're going to. What's the next challenge, Askoo?  
  
Askoo: Am I on?  
  
Paweebee: Yes.  
  
Askoo: Oh.  
  
Paweebee: Well?  
  
Askoo: What?  
  
Paweebee: Nevermind. Let's see. The next challenge is. . .  
  
Askoo: I know!  
  
Paweebee: Shut up, Askoo.  
  
Askoo: No. Really. The challenge should be to see who can make a lasting shelter first.  
  
Brain Team: Hagrid! (They groan and glare at the ruined hut)  
  
Askoo: In that case, the Pinky team won.  
  
Hermione: Really? But we haven't made a shelter yet. See, I was thinking. . .  
  
Ron: Shut up, Hermione.  
  
Askoo: Yes you do.  
  
Hermione: What?  
  
Askoo: You get a luxury hotel!  
  
Gred: But that was our luxury hotel!  
  
Askoo: It was?  
  
Forge: Yes. We won, remember?  
  
Askoo: No, they won!  
  
Ron: we did?  
  
Sirius: No!  
  
Askoo: They have a shelter!  
  
Charlie: But it's our luxury hotel!  
  
Malfoy: This is ridiculous  
  
Dudley: I wanna go hom!  
  
Askoo: shut up.  
  
~Riot~  
  
~commercial break~  
  
Hermione: (looking upset) We still don't have a shelter.  
  
Ron: Here. (holds leaf over Hermione's head)  
  
Hermione: Oh. Okay. (Takes leaf and holds it over her head.)  
  
Malfoy: (Running towards the luxury hotel) Hair-care products!  
  
Paweebee: That wasn't fair, Askoo.  
  
Askoo: Oh well. I'm the authoress. I can do whatever I want.  
  
Paweebee: You are the CO- authoress. You have to have my say before you do something like that.  
  
Askoo: No anymore! I'm taking over! MUAHAHAHAHA!!!  
  
Paweebee: Oh no you don't!  
  
(Pow!)  
  
(Bam!)  
  
(Gah!)  
  
~Commercial Break~  
  
Fred: Good thing we took all the stuff out of the luxury hotel before they took it away.  
  
George: Yeah.  
  
Sirius: (looking bitter) too bad Hagrid can't build a hut.  
  
Hagrid: I'm Charlie.  
  
Everyone except Ginny and Hagrid: Shut up.  
  
Ginny: Wow, Charlie, You've gotten awfully tall since I saw you. . . five minutes ago.  
  
George: Yeah, Gin. He's really sprouting up like a weed.  
  
~cut to pinky team~  
  
Malfoy: (sobbing uncontrollably) Not a single hair-care product. Not one!  
  
Lupin: (Cackles and bites him on the leg.)  
  
Filch: (is dusting Malfoy's head with the dust rag he found in the hotel)  
  
Malfoy: Will you get off? Why are you here anyway?  
  
Paweebee: (shrugs) we needed a space-filler  
  
Malfoy: Couldn't you have gotten a USEFUL space-filler? Like Crabbe or Goyle? Or one of my other mindless zombie minions?  
  
Paweebee: shut up  
  
Malfoy: you shut up  
  
Paweebee: you shut up  
  
Malfoy: You shut up  
  
~commercial break~  
  
Askoo: I give up.  
  
Paweebee: Really?  
  
Askoo: No.  
  
(Paweebee sits there twiddling her thumbs.)  
  
Paweebee: How about no?  
  
Askoo: Yes.  
  
Paweebee: Yes!  
  
Askoo: No.  
  
Paweebee: No?  
  
Askoo: Yes. . . no.  
  
Paweebee: Stop changing your mind.  
  
Askoo: No.  
  
Paweebee: Yes!  
  
Askoo: You are?  
  
Paweebee: No.  
  
Askoo: Neither am I.  
  
Paweebee: Are you sure?  
  
Askoo: Yes.  
  
Paweebee: Yes?  
  
Askoo: No.  
  
Paweebee: no what?  
  
Askoo: Yes no.  
  
Paweebee: Yes no or no yes?  
  
Askoo: Gah!  
  
~cuts to Pinky team~  
  
(Everyone is twiddling thumbs, sitting in the lounge of the empty luxury hotel)  
  
Ron: We should quit. Out hosts have gone insane.  
  
Malfoy: And they're confusing me.  
  
Ron: Not hard to do, is it Malfoy?  
  
Malfoy: Shut up.  
  
Ron: You shut up  
  
Malfoy: You. . .  
  
Hermione: You guys are ridiculous. How could you ever think of quitting?  
  
Ron: Well, Hermione, let's examine what we have. Malfoy, two insane hosts, and a leaf.  
  
Malfoy: And no hair care products.  
  
Ron: Shut up  
  
Malfoy: You shut up  
  
Ron: No you shut up  
  
Malfoy: No you shut up  
  
(Wands fly out and cameraman frantically switches scenes, wishing the hosts would announce a commercial break)  
  
Askoo: No!  
  
Paweebee: Yes!  
  
Askoo: No.  
  
Paweebee: No.  
  
Askoo: Yes.  
  
Paweebee: Yes!  
  
Askoo: NO, wait. . .  
  
Paweebee: No wait or no, no?  
  
(camera man frantically switches to the Brain team)  
  
Fred: (singing) we have no shelter. . .  
  
George: Who cares?  
  
Dudley: I wanna go home.  
  
Fred: I know! Let's go on strike!  
(This results in all the team members sitting around with blank stares on their faces)  
  
Hagrid: Er. . .  
  
Sirius: Um . . .  
  
Charlie: Uh. . .  
  
Ginny: Huh?  
  
(At this point the cameraman is about to have a nervous breakdown so he makes the mistake of taking upon himself to put on another Herbal Essence commercial)  
  
~commercial break~  
  
A/N All right! So that's the end. . . of this chapter. Yes, there's more mayhem yet to come. BWAHAHAHAHA!!!  
  
Actually, my friend and I have already written so much that we filled up the notebook we're currently using, and are halfway through our new notebook. It's crazy. We would be a lot farther along, but we went on strike for a few weeks (courtesy of major writer's block) but now we're back. As of yet, I have three reviews. One from my best friend (also an ff.net author), whom I forced to read my story, one from my other friend, who is helping me write this (and only reviewed to tell me that she was taking over the world) and someone who was only reviewing so I would review for her. So in short, WE NEED REVIEWS!!!! I will even go so far as to say I will review you if you review this story (only on ff.net though, not fictionpress, I don't do original fiction). Anyway, I'm off to go finish typing the second chapter in "Musings of the average Kool-aid phantom" on my other screen name (currently "Identity Crisis", though it changes all the time as I see fit. . . It's the only name on our favorite authors list, if you want to check it out)  
  
So anyway, have a nice day, and don't forget to review! 


End file.
